do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
