can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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