Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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