genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
