the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
