this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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