3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
