Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
