It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
