I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
