I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
