bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
