i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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