Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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