Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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