I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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