Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
