could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize