we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
