she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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