Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
