No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
