Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
