What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
