I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
