I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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