he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
