your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
