Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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