I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
