its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.