If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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