Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
