If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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