Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
