Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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