so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
