so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
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I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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