Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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