no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
