I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
