the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
