your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
