I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
