Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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