I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
