Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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