the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
