Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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