he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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