FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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