do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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