I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
