So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was born a porn star she said
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
