so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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