PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
