Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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