hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
