we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize