i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
