Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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