just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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