We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
