Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
