walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
