I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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