My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
