Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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