I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love having hate sex.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's rum buckets o'clock
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
