I smell stomach acid.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
