New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
