Well douche your snatch and let's go!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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