mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
