That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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