You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.