Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.