Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS

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  (917): Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS http://tfl.nu/k9df
  Replies (97) Good night (1762) Bad night (7709)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?

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  (404): What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning? http://tfl.nu/h6ji
  Replies (19) Good night (1758) Bad night (748)
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  (718): View more from New York

  You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.

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  (718): You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants. http://tfl.nu/n5jd
  Replies (11) Good night (2215) Bad night (841)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

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  (828): So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me. http://tfl.nu/t0l7
  Replies (24) Good night (1546) Bad night (3914)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.

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  (414): and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you. http://tfl.nu/lmfo
  Replies (27) Good night (6471) Bad night (1031)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral

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  (506): so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral http://tfl.nu/0vqu
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (985)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...

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  (613): His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat... http://tfl.nu/xzfb
  Replies (13) Good night (1049) Bad night (3251)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

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  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
  Replies (20) Good night (1177) Bad night (4007)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."

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  (412): Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers." http://tfl.nu/fu3x
  Replies (11) Good night (1087) Bad night (3138)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial

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  (412): No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial http://tfl.nu/kxls
  Replies (2) Good night (2685) Bad night (685)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.

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  (+61): You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success. http://tfl.nu/j71q
  Replies (5) Good night (1615) Bad night (597)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.

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  (256): I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan. http://tfl.nu/no44
  Replies (8) Good night (936) Bad night (335)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM

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  (+44): IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM http://tfl.nu/pr8f
  Replies (3) Good night (880) Bad night (485)
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  (716): View more from New York

  YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!

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  (716): YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!! http://tfl.nu/4ih5
  Replies (9) Good night (619) Bad night (1667)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  that happened

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  (508): Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing? (603): that happened http://tfl.nu/dxuy
  Replies (1) Good night (319) Bad night (467)

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