I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...