I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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