Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again

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  (408): she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again http://tfl.nu/k557
  Replies (41) Good night (706) Bad night (5884)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.

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  (330): That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us. http://tfl.nu/w7wx
  Replies (16) Good night (3473) Bad night (814)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

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  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
  Replies (31) Good night (7264) Bad night (902)
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  (760): View more from California

  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (3558) Bad night (1185)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.

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  (781): please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again. http://tfl.nu/xtmx
  Replies (9) Good night (5008) Bad night (1007)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage

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  (406): He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage http://tfl.nu/22pw
  Replies (8) Good night (3834) Bad night (1015)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

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  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (24) Good night (2093) Bad night (2958)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk

  (813): View more from Florida

  Crosswalk actually

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  (941): Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk (813): Crosswalk actually http://tfl.nu/wtpi
  Replies (3) Good night (1553) Bad night (1009)
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  (530): View more from California

  the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible

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  (530): the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible http://tfl.nu/pzql
  Replies (5) Good night (653) Bad night (2157)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with

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  (804): have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with http://tfl.nu/vxai
  Replies (6) Good night (1838) Bad night (729)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?

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  (317): Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed? http://tfl.nu/ggrn
  Replies (13) Good night (405) Bad night (878)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag

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  (214): Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag http://tfl.nu/i32x
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.

  (716): View more from New York

  So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?

  (585): View more from New York

  Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.

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  (585): They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years. (716): So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy? (585): Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win. http://tfl.nu/ig9q
  Replies (6) Good night (690) Bad night (413)
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  (47): View more from Norway

  Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van

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  (47): Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van http://tfl.nu/ihe8
  Replies (2) Good night (398) Bad night (313)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball

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  (860): Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball http://tfl.nu/1zhy
  Replies (0) Good night (354) Bad night (452)

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