Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita

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(614): View more from Ohio

If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

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(630): View more from Illinois

Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(623): View more from Arizona

its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..

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(509): View more from Washington

This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.

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(716): View more from New York

He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.

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