Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
